So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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