i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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