all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
