I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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