What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
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Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
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"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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