my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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