apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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