this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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