I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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