god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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