It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
