We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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