so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
