My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
