Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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