I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
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He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
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We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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