you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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