Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
