Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
