Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
