I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
