If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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