I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
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