Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
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Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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