i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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