out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
