ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
