I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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