woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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