What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
