If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
