I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
