When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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