So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
