I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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