My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
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after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
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We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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