There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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