weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
