You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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