I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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