i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
