you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize