You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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