Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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