So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
