omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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