totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
