The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
