$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
