Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
