Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
