Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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