I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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