If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
