she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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