I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
