so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
