I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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