This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
