4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
