you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
