i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
