then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
