a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
