Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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