I'm passing your future prison.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then my night got REAL pukey
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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