i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
