I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Drunk is a universal language darling
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
