FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
