your room smells of hookers.
And success
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
